Things have been awkward between us for too long. My feelings were getting so confused, that’s why I was avoiding you. I haven’t been completely honest, and I’m sorry for that. But I can’t go on like this–I want to make things right. There’s something you need to know. Wow, this is hard for me to say…
I never really cared about you. At all.
I know this must come as a shock, so please, just let me explain.
When we first met, I wasn’t really sure what to think. I didn’t ever have that much fun doing you, but all our friends were so encouraging that I looked the other way. I wanted to want you, and they all told me if I did you enough, I’d fall in love. Well, years have gone by, and I have never loved you. It feels good to finally say it, like a weight has been lifted (no, I’m not making fun of you).
All those things I bought for you–shoes and books and memberships and kettlebells and more shoes–I realize now they were only an attempt to bury my indifference. I felt guilty about not being excited to do you. Everywhere I read love letters about what it was like, and I thought there must be something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I feel it too?
When we were together all I felt was short of breath, and sore. Many times I avoided you with an excuse, just so you wouldn’t see my resentment. I tried to wait until I got excited about you, but it happened so rarely that we both suffered from neglect. It wasn’t a solution, and I’m sorry I deceived you.
But that’s all in the past. I want to make a fresh start. That’s why I’m writing to you.
We don’t need to pretend this is romantic anymore. We can just be friends. I’m still going to do you on a regular basis. But I won’t pretend you’re fun or interesting, and I’ll no longer go through the motions of making you feel like a top priority. You are important to me, but I can only get so much from you. I need you in my life, but you will never be a love of mine. And that’s OK.
Things are going to get better for us. I know you’ll see how much harder and better I do you without all the confusion about our status. Without the guilty feelings, it will be easier to do you consistently. I need you to trust me. This is for the best.